I was chatting with a donor before I drew his blood, and he was a dentist. when I actually drew him, there was just a little squirt of blood and it surprised him
I looked him in they eye and told him “you’re bleeding because you don’t floss”
and he went dead silent
had the opportunity and fucking seized it
It only takes being rejected once for me to never ever ask anyone anything ever again.
I wish I could just close my eyes and fall asleep rather than laying awake thinking about everything I could have and should have done differently
This was literally the funniest one. Even He couldn’t help but laugh.
No one is safe. The Walking Dead new season premiere is this Sunday at 9|8c.
"We’re preparing you for the real world"
I don’t meant to alarm you but
the real world has calculators
increasingly the world has these things in our pocket, no less
and the skeleton war
I like Toronto a lot
"I’m not as put together as I seem"
I text back embarrassingly fast
or three hours later
there is no in between
“But the Bible says…”
"DEBBIE DID YOU FAX THOSE PAPERS TO MANAGEMENT?"
do you think taylor lautner has war-like flash backs of shark boy and lava girl